Percolating thoughts

I find myself pondering a few different questions: 1) Why is it so challenging to find a career? I say career here because I don’t want just any job. I want to earn a living and be a professional woman. That shouldn’t be too much to strive for, but I’m starting to wonder. 2) Am I ever going to know what it’s like to be able to buy groceries without worrying about the money? For that matter, will I ever know what it’s like to be debt-free? 3) Will I ever feel like an adult?

I am one of so many of my generation drowning in student debt, unable to start a career, and unable to believe there was ever a world where a typical 28 year old woman was long since married and producing children of her own. I mean, really? I don’t even have a job. I feel like I have juxtaposed what I am and what I want to be. Does that make sense? Put another way, I have been fighting to feel successful, like it will make it so my parents' sacrifice wasn't (and isn't) in vain. 

Ironically, I find myself gauging success in my ability to have and do the opposite of my parents. They completely sacrificed their own lives for my sisters and I. They have worked so hard, not for themselves, but for me. They weren’t able to pursue an education (well, my mom somehow managed to earn a 2 year degree while working more than full-time and taking care of her three kids), they never had the opportunity to travel (unless you count California, Nevada, and a few other states), and they were never able to have much of a social life. As much as we struggled financially, my mom always found a way to buy us school supplies, two new outfits for school every year, and for us to play sports. They never spent anything on themselves so they could spend everything on us.

(Studied abroad in Granada, Spain)

(Italy)

(Switzerland)

Because of the sacrifices my parents made for me, I was absolutely determined to get an education. I knew I’d end up in a lot of debt because my parents couldn’t help. But I thought it would be worth it.  I traveled. A lot. I spent a semester in Spain and traveled throughout Western Europe before and after my semester. After I graduated, my family came together and surprised me with a ticket to Switzerland, where I spent a few weeks with a close friend during my study abroad experience, and I got to spend a month and a half traveling all over Switzerland. 

I have always made an effort to spend time with close friends, usually going on outdoor adventures or playing board games. I save up to by quality items instead of getting whatever is cheapest. To what end? I have a large amount of student debt and I don’t know what it’s like to live completely debt-free. In fact, my parents have been the ones helping me as much as they are able to.

That said, I have never for an instant regretted any of my decisions. I learned so much about myself while in school. And I feel optimistic that everything I've done has brought me exactly where I need to be. Because of my parents, I have so much more opportunity than they did.

All of these things have driven me recently to do a lot of self-reflecting. I’m hoping that having this time might be a blessing in disguise. It’s not often in today’s society that we get the chance to slow down and really think about what is going on in our lives, who we are, and what we really value. So, it is with that in mind that I permit myself to do a little less binge-watching, and a little more writing.